i forgot my journal

seriously?

i'm old school.  i love paper.  i love pens.

how did i forget my journal for my night of reflection?

it's hard to feel like i disconnected very much without the ability to actually write things down on paper.  blogging and microsoft wording are not the same, kids.

...

on an unrelated note, i taught a sixth grader 'bumsauce' and 'awesomesauce' and expect he will be plugging them into his every day vocabulary henceforth.  you're welcome, world.

hunker down and listen

i am an introvert who does not process well externally.  and, in fact, i don't process internally very much, either.  let me explain--i process a lot.  there's just not a lot of 'doing.'  how i process typically looks like this:


i hunker down by myself.  i write just enough thoughts to clear the top of my brain off.  and then i wait.  i listen.  i let things marinate.  and then i wait.  and then i wait.  and then i wait.  and eventually, the process becomes part of me, part of my language.  sometimes i will share tiny bits, fractions of it. 


slicky processes at light speed.  that is not an exaggeration.  it literally knocks me on my butt sometimes to watch and hear her process.  i love how her brain is wired to arrange and connect.  it is like watching a super computer sift through a lifetime of information, repackage it, and deliver a finished product.  in 11 seconds.


i have told her before that my brain is far less like the giant cloud of information in her head and much more like an antiquated card catalog and filing system.  i am a tiny, creaky old librarian who shuffles between dusty drawers, tediously compiling data on yellowed parchment.


while our differences in process speed and available words in a day can make communication challenging at times, i am so thankful for the unique ways we work.  these differences have stretched and grown me tremendously.  i believe that we are being sharpened because of these differences.  and that is a pretty wonderful thing.

dear world

i am still here.  i just have so, so many things to say that i am saying nothing.  it's a common problem for me.




so here are the highlights in my head:




nicaragua  <3




just...i don't even...ahhhhhh.  i have no idea what to say that actually explains this trip.  it was incredible.  i am deeply and madly in love with my team, with the country, with the people, with the way we did the trip...  just so so so many good things.  i am still processing so much that it is difficult to give sound bites.  my heart is full to the point of exploding.








the 6021




the house is not quite complete...still waiting on the river ghost to move in.  she's coming slowly.  :)  but slicky, last pitch, and i are in and waging war against the steroid-infused spider army that seems to occupy the basement.  i love living in community with ridiculous weirdos, so i am in a great place right now.  :)  and i get to mow again!  my heart is happy.




how to succeed in business without really trying


(not the musical, even though it's fantastic).  work stuff is shifting...for the better, i think.  in three months, things are going to be very different.  i am amused at the direction i am moving vocationally, but i can't wait to see how it continues to prepare and shape me for whatever adventure is next.

things i'd rather be doing

...finishing 'a thousand dollar tan line'


...sleeping


...doing logic puzzles


...doing jigsaw puzzles


...playing 007 on nintendo 64 with kyle, heather, and travis.  paintball.  slappers only.


...getting new batting gloves and a softball bat


...google hangout with jb and mj


...playing my guitar


...watching veronica mars with cousin bronsky


...learning to kick box


...sitting with a glass of red wine in [my almost] backyard

dancin like the floor's on fire

when i am stressed out, i make lists.


and then i make lists of lists.


and then i make spreadsheets with tabs of the lists of lists that are color coordinated.


...so guess what i've been doing?  :)

what in the what of whats

oh, i have fallen into my negligent blogger ways again.  alack, alas.


quick update on my life:


i am done being a tiger.  or a tiger fairy.  or a tigerfairychameleonfrog.  there never really was much of a consensus.  it was exhausting and stretching and more fun than i expected.  i doubt i will do it again.  although i apparently said i would never run a half marathon again (as mj reminded me when i told her i was running a full marathon).


i leave for nicaragua in three weeks.  booyah.  should be good.  excited about our group.  excited to see what the Lord has in store. 


i murdered my ankle a couple of weeks ago playing softball.  it is slowly recovering, although i am not really helping it out much.  i babied it for a week, and now i am just annoyed it's not better yet.  ankles are dumb.  the moral of that story is that i need to be ever so slightly less competitive and have a better attitude in general.


i took a quiz to find out which anne of green gables character i would be.  either i am faulty or the quiz is.  it told me i would be gilbert, which i have no real problem with, except that at the end, it said i was very likely an ENTP.  so...no. 


remember how i said i was leaving the country in three weeks?  yeah, it's also our goal to move before then.  so...that could be interesting.


that's all the news that's fit to print at the moment. 


willy out.

percolating

i mentioned this at small group last night, so i thought i would throw it out there for all you other randos reading my blog.

i have some ideas percolating in my brain.  or marinating, as my college roommate would say.  either way, we're using food analogies, so it's a win.

these ideas are about how the Lord has equipped me with a strange assortment of skills and interests.  and how he never leads me one place without using it as preparation for another place he plans to take me.  which can make crappy situations more tolerable and great situations really exciting.

so i have been letting thoughts float around in the back of my brain without really trying to nail them down yet.  i have found that if i wait quietly, they will eventually settle.  if i rush them, however, they tend to flee like startled deer. 

due to my waiting and settling process, i don't currently have a lot of details to share with you, but i can kind of draw big circles around what i am talking about--

~i work in a finance-driven world right now.  by and large, i don't care about money.  i think it's dumb, and i have no desire in getting lots of it just for the sake of having it.  but my goal is to give more and more away.  so even if i don't have a lot right now, i can use what i do have wisely.  what does this look like?

~while never really having much direction in my life, i care a ton about helping other people live out of their strengths and passions.  this is especially true for students.  what kind of partnerships and pathways might be formed here?

~i have english and counseling degrees, but i also have a knack for spreadsheets and organization.  i don't care about the formality of the business world, but the structure and function of it are interesting to me.  can my wide stretch of skills bring out the best in all these venues?

~i love to learn.  i feel more engaged in life when i am absorbing information.  lately, i have been soaking up so much about third culture, effective mission work, investments, etc.

~and most of all, i love God, and i love people. 

the list goes on.  so what do i do with all of these things?  i am a firm believer in micro changes making a macro difference.  by starting small around me, the effect could be multiplied out through the people i impact.  i don't have that figured out yet, but i hope you will partner with me as i pray and wrestle through these things.

i'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.