impressions...

i realize some of you do not know what i have been thinking about regarding my future. that could be because i have not really talked about it. so...these are the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head:

go somewhere to do a doctorate program.

go somewhere (some campus) for a job.

stay in marion for a year or so to work and hang out in the wigger house.

etc.

during my time of solitude this weekend, i read a verse that i loved:

my heart has heard you say, 'come and talk with me.' and my heart responds, 'Lord, i am coming.' psalm 27:8

i should note that i was not processing about my future at all when i read this. i just loved it and wrote it down. and then [because i was drinking a million pots of tea] i went to the bathroom. and in the ten feet or so between the bed and the bathroom, i was struck with a very strong impression about my next year.

this is straight out of my journal:

i am going somewhere new. alone. where my faith will be challenged, where people are desperate for Jesus, though they do not know it. where i will build authentic, vulnerable community that chases hard after truth and life-change. God is about to shake my life hard; he is going to require much of me. and the time i have in marion is meant to prepare me for this next step. it will be hard; it will be uncomfortable; it will require great faith.

---

so i'd love if you would start praying over those words...start praying for this time right now, where i am being prepared and equipped to be sent out...start praying for my protection...start praying for what's ahead in my life. thanks. :)

kapow! look at all these blog posts!

don't get too excited, but i am posting again. true story. but today's post will be brief anyway.

one of the things i did while i was gone this weekend was write and think and whatnot. and i wrote a poem. you can read it here: solitude.

(in case you didn't see it last week, i wrote a poem--read it here: wednesday--and solitude is sort of its answer.)

a weekend away...

you may have noticed a sudden decrease in my blog posts. the primary reason was the craziness that is my second-to-last semester of grad school. but beyond that, i have just been tired.

i am an introvert. i need alone time.

but i am also a grad student who lives in a house with three women, has two grad assistant positions, leads a breakout group of seventeen transfer students, and has an internship with twenty-nine honors college freshmen. i do not get much alone time.

there have been many cool things going on this semester. but also a lot of heavy things. that is what happens when you are immersed in community. that is what happens when you are in relationship with flawed, hurting people.

in an unprecedented way, i have felt the weight. it has pressed down on me.

i had to get away. i needed rest. i needed solitude.

so i made plans to spend the weekend alone. and then i actually went. and it was wonderful.

day/night one:

i shut my phone off. i put my sweatpants on and made many pots of tea. i did logic puzzles. i read books that had nothing to do with school or students. i ordered a pizza. i read a book in a bubble bath. i pampered myself with some mary kay treatments. i got caught up on parks and recreation. i slumbered happily in a big, cushy bed with a ridiculous amount of pillows.

day two:

i got up when i felt ready. i ate a leisurely breakfast and read. i made coffee and had quiet time. i got caught up on how i met your mother. i got caught up on community. i wrote some poetry. i rested. more logic puzzles. more tea. more reading. i took another awesome bubble bath and actually took the time to shave my legs well. i ate jimmy john's. i watched some badger football. i finished two books. i slept long and hard.

day three:

i ate breakfast and read. i spent some sweet time with Jesus. i finished another book. i took a luxurious shower. i enjoyed the quiet in the air and the quiet in my heart. and then i went home.

it was an excessively good and restful time. very quickly, i realized i need to be more deliberate about this. and do it more often. i have some more things to share about this time alone, but they are for another post.

for those of you who were aware i was doing this and were praying for me, thank you. i felt wrapped up in those prayers and loved well.

30 by 30: still alive, surprisingly...

i know i have been a terrible blogger for a while. and i apologize if you are experiencing feelings of abandonment. as promised, i made some changes to my list. i am including those changes on this update list.

2) another hundo. officially $1800 out of $2700.

4) i posted about the warrior dash last month, but here's the 'after pic' with my friend, nate:

6) CHANGE: have a tea room date with my housemates!

7) CHANGE: attend something theatrical...

11) once again, i did not post the picture for my monthly cooking blog, so here it is:

bleu cheese pita pizzas. let me just tell you, they were super easy and super delicious. let me know if you'd like the recipe.

also, since moving into the wigger house, i have been cooking nonstop. it's really fun to fix a big meal and know i don't have to eat it all by myself.

12) CHANGE: plan a scavenger hunt for my housemates. (they seem excited about this one.)

24) i did this in august, but here's the skinny dipping proof picture:

you do not even have to tell me how awesome those tan lines on my arms look. i know.

26) CHANGE: play guitar in a public place. (no, mj, not the farmer's market)

28) CHANGE: run a race with liz.

29) i forgot to say i read a book last month: another fine myth. and this month, i read ish, the dot, 31 days to finding your blogging mojo, the prayer matrix, and pray. so i am up to 33 out of 100. grad school has severely slowed my reading pace.

hands to the sky

one of my new jobs this year is working as a grad assistant for the office of student engagement and retention. my workspace is in the academic affairs suite in the library...right at the heart of the campus.

something i love about this job is what happens on friday mornings: the professional staff gather together to share stories, breathe at the end of a busy week, and pray for one another. it's one of the unique things that happen in this type of community. and honestly, it does wonders for feeling known and loved in the midst of a crazy semester.

today, we commented that all of us were really experiencing a heavy tiredness--and it's only three weeks into the semester. you can see it in our eyes and hear it in our words. i've written about how i really feel like God is going to move in powerful ways on the iwu campus this year...but that doesn't come without a battle. and we are already feeling the weariness of the fight.

if you get some time, pray for our community. and if you know any staff or students at iwu, send them an email or message on facebook or something and let them know you love and support them.

thanks. :)

30 by 30 update: wild weekend adventures

it was a whirlwind of a weekend. i definitely am feeling the effects of it right now...my normal wednesday night of reflection is taking place in my bed instead of starbucks because my head decided we shouldn't go out in public tonight.

here's a little list update for you:

i wrote a fatty check to my dad for $850, so my debt is down to $1000. smackin it in the face. booyah.

i officially became a warrior. my friend, nate, and i ran the warrior dash on saturday. he has some pictures that i will post whenever he gives them to me. but you can also see a couple cool ones of me by going here: http://www.warriordashphotos.com/?SiteID=2 choose 2011 wd twin lakes, wisconsin--saturday. then enter 60345 for the bib number. you can see me jumping over fire and crawling through mud.

i fixed a meal right at the beginning of the month, but in the chaos of school starting and me moving, i never posted a blog about it. here it is: steak with bleu cheese crumbles, sauteed asparagus and shrimp, hawaiian bread, and watermelon. yup. it was sooooo good.

i am in the middle of a ton of books for school, but haven't finished any of them yet. i will keep you posted.

the other big thing you should know is that i am going to be rolling out some changes to the list in the next month. hey, it's my list...i can do what i want, right? as i mentioned, i moved...into a house with three super cool women from grad school (i'll do a post on them some other time)...and i want to shift my list so it resonates with where i am at right now...with this community of mine. so expect five or six things to get changed or removed completely from the list.

deuces.

oh my gosh

i'm trying hard not to type in list mode today since i did that monday, but that's really just how my mind is wired. i like the organization of lists. eek. i will try for paragraphs.

first, i have a story about yesterday. it's called, 'cars are the literal bane of my existence, and i would instead like a moped to ride around marion.' it's a long title. but i think it really captures the essence of what i am about to say. i was driving home from work, and a couple of friendly-but-rather-overzealous people in the car next to me managed to indicate that i had a flat tire. you may recall the (hey, miranda and heather, i am about to post a link here!) incident i had in june. so imagine my frustration at hearing i was having more issues with ron's tires.

well, i quickly pulled over (ironically, it was a kfc parking lot) and got really mad at ron swanson and the world in general. that quickly petered out (i mean, it's really not useful, so what's the point?). and then i called a bunch of people to try and figure out what i should do. my friend, andy, came and helped me think clearly.

we drove slowly to a gas station across the street and filled the tire with air. then he led me to his tire place. they were super awesome. they pulled a screw out of my tire, patched it, and had me ready to go in about five minutes. and it cost me $10.70. i can't say enough about how cool they were.

so the tire situation is fixed. phew.

second, i am struggling at waking up when i am supposed to. as a result, i ate chips and salsa for breakfast.

third, i am reading bryan allain's '31 days to finding your blogging mojo.' not so much because i have great aspirations for this blog at the moment (turns out grad school is a blogsuck), but because i like bryan allain and it was $4.99.