Thursday, May 8, 2014

when i feel

it's scary for me to feel.  i don't do things in small measure...i'm either in or out.  so when i feel, i feel deeply.  that can make me feel off the edge and out of control at times. 

i think frustration can be one of the hardest emotions for me.  it makes me feel like a two year old when i go from chill to frustrated out of my brain in eleven seconds.  frustration is low level anger, right?  i'd rather just have some high level anger and be done with it.  because there's a rage period, and then it's over.

but frustration?

oy.  just so much oy.

frustration usually results when i am faced with a problem (sometimes a person) that i anticipated and did everything i could to avoid.  and then still have to deal with.

and it usually involves lots of extra work for me. 

see, i'm all about efficiency and creating models for myself--so once i do a great measure of hard work, i don't have to do it again for that same project.  and having to do the same thing over and over despite my best efforts at efficiency makes me go slowly insane. 

you heard it here first.  i am going slowly insane.  i'd sign and notarize it, but i am not legally allowed to notarize my own signature.

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