claiming small victories

i wore my contacts for the entire day yesterday.  i rocked a low to mid level migraine all week, so that was pretty special.  still not feeling 100%, but i seem to be on the upswing.

...

i don't know if you're keeping tabs on my list over there, but i am behind on almost everything.  and i have thought lots about that...should i take things off the list?  should i just give up on the list?  should i change things?  and i probably will end up changing some things, but i am not giving up just because i am behind.  instead, i am trying to sit quietly with the concept of disciplined grace.

there are seasons of life where i am really good at discipline.  and there are seasons of life where i am really good at grace.  so i want to wrestle with a season where i try to unite those two suckers.  where i practice discipline because it pushes and expands me and keeps me from being lazy.  and where i practice grace (for myself...i am usually pretty good at grace for others) because it is exhausting to try and control every moment, it's defeating to see empty spaces on my checklist, and it sucks all the joy out of the things i actually want to do.

so.  you can pray about that for me.  :)

...

in the meantime, liz and i hosted our first 'official and check it off the list' dinner last saturday.  we went to a corn maze that we thought would be pretty quick.  and while it was fun, we ended up trudging through mud for an hour and a half, not even finding all the checkpoints (thus, no popcorn prize...some participants were more upset by this than others), and feeling ravenous by the end.  which was inconvenient since i had not prepped or made any of the food ahead of time.

luckily, liz is good at entertaining while i cook.

i made four recipes out of bread and wine (and if you don't trust my endorsement of this book, go talk to emily sutherland.): brannon's caesar salad, white chicken chili, blueberry crisp (except i made it with peaches this time), and gaia cookies.  everything seemed to be a hit.  i took the leftover chili for lunch every day this week.

here are the girls:

they are lisa, erin (surprise guest), ashleyne, kristen, and liz.  they are cool.  we missed kim, who was busy throwing up, and heather, who was on a beach somewhere.

devotional thought: in the midst of migraines

i've been sick for a few weeks now, and the past couple of days have taken an interesting turn. i have a cough...which, by itself, would not be so bad. but i am also *wildly* prone to migraines and sinus infections. so this cough has become a sort of vicious beast--to the point where i will stop what i am doing so i can hold my head in both hands while i cough. there is so much pressure that it feels like bad things will happen if i don't hold on.

i don't really feel like being around people or reflecting on my spiritual development when i feel this way. i don't have any desire to sit at work, stare at a computer screen, or pay attention in class.

it can be quite problematic.

i'm currently huddled on the floor of a room, tucked in the corner so my back and head are both supported. i'm sure it's an odd sight for anyone walking by.

my days are fairly scheduled out so that i stay on task--blog, homework, coffee dates with students, etc. but when i feel like this, my body says, 'NO.'

no filling each spare moment.

no trying to get ahead.

no super intentional conversations with classmates.

just stop.

***

you know, i don't think sickness and pain are punishment--i think they're a byproduct of a sinful world. and the more i contemplate my case, i am coming around to the thought that God uses my migraines as a gift.

[i am a bad recipient of gifts. especially this kind.]

in my life, migraines tend to be less-than-gentle reminders that i cannot do everything on my own, that i am weak despite my posturing, and that being still and resting is a very holy thing to do.

my beloved is most certainly here in the midst of my migraines.

where have you experienced God in your midst lately?