Monday, February 24, 2014

by the bright shining light of the moon

oh, wisconsin.  how do you do what you do to me? 
as many of you probably know, i was in madison and appleton for a very brief stay this weekend.  i have recently been quoted as saying that i really love and miss wisconsin, but only in the summer.  turns out...that's not quite true... 
as soon as i got on the beltline, my heart felt different.  i drove past fish hatchery road and todd drive and was flooded with memories.  the places and faces and tastes of madison...there aren't enough words.  i got to see dan and holly.  i ate pho.  i played ultimate.  i got adjusted by chad, the best chiropractor in the freaking world. 
although it was butt cold, the weather was relatively cooperative and not much worse than indiana.
...and cheese.  OH, THE GLORIOUS CHEESES OF WISCONSIN!  it's something you just can't understand unless you have lived there.  when it comes to cheese, every other state is terrible.
and oh yeah, there was that great heart time with mj and jb.  nbd.  lots of giggling, quoting, and eating. 
considering i moved to wisconsin seven years ago on a pretty much just a whim, that state grabbed hold of my heart and refuses to let go, no matter how long i am away.
it's a terrible, good ache.  just think how bad it would be had i gone to a brewers game or the farmer's market or the farm...

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


my brother recently sent this to me, and i found it amusing.  if you don't, you probably won't enjoy the rest of this post.  also, i'm shamelessly stealing them from the internet.

-did you hear about the crime that happened in the parking garage?  it was wrong on so many levels.

-i wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden.  it didn't have much of a plot.

-i was arrested after my therapist told me i should take something for my kleptomania.

-she was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

Friday, February 7, 2014

cradle it; don't crank it.

there is something wrong with my neck.

when i was a baby, my nickname was 'floppyhead.'

i don't know if it goes back to infancy, but there has definitely been something wrong with my neck since at least third grade.

i have a very vivid and awful memory of throwing my neck out in a game of duck, duck, goose in the gym at cumberland road elementary school.  for days or maybe weeks afterward, mrs. mcintire would have me come to her desk and help me straighten my head because i couldn't hold it up correctly.

it must have felt better after a while, and i don't even know if i told my parents.  but sometime later in that school year, i was running on the playground and turning my head too quickly.  23 years later, i still remember seeing a white flash and the feeling of lightning streaking down one side of my body.  i am not overstating the pain level.

now, i think we all know i have never been gentle on this body of mine.  it's just the way it goes.  i've broken my wrist, separated my shoulder, strained and sprained almost every joint, strained my groin, given myself a concussion, had multiple ribs go out of place, shattered my nose, etc. 

but.  my neck is the most sensitive place on my body (this is a big statement, because i have really sketchy wrists).

sometime after college, i was stretching to go for a run.  i tweaked my neck but just decided to go about business as usual.  as i was showering later, i noticed it was hard to lean my head back.  and as i drove to the house where i was babysitting that night, i could tell i couldn't turn to the right well at all.  by the time the parents got home, my neck was locked: my head was facing left and slightly down.  i, the champion of pain and wounds, was rendered helpless. 

at the doctor's office the next day, he tried to turn my head.  i screamed, burst into tears, and nearly kicked him in his boy parts.  i got a neck brace and muscle relaxers for my troubles. 

i don't know if my neck issues have contributed to my history of migraines.  i don't know if they factor into my stupid ribs sliding out of place.  i do know chiropractors must rub their hands delightedly when they see my cocked head walk into their offices.

so.  since your prayers were mighty and beyond powerful for chuck, i wouldn't hate if you directed some at my neck.  just saying.