devotional thought: a love that pursues into the dark

ever have a time where you extended yourself, bared part of your soul, and then wanted to barf everywhere?

...no?

oh...um...me, neither.

but not really. because i totally feel that way when i get vulnerable with people. exposing my messiness is freeing, but it also reminds me of some old wounds and shame. i don't think it ever

becomes easier, and my natural tendency is to go hide for a while just in case my vulnerability is too much for others.

i was sort of having one of those times last week. so i wrote this song. although it doesn't actually have music yet...but it will. i'm thinking it'll sound sort of hymny. (blogspot doesn't believe hymny is a word. whatev.) anyway...here it is:

You Reach for Me

Through my sorrow
And through my shame
You reach for me
Within my guilt
Within my pain
You reach for me

I can never go too far
Never turn and flee
To a place
Where your grace
Won’t reach for me

You reach for me
For I am yours
Though I bring the nails
And carry thorns
You reach for me
For true love does
And I am now
Not what I was

Though I’m helpless
And though I’m frail
You reach for me
When I falter
When I fail
You reach for me

new song: scars and tattoos

Scars and Tattoos

Scars remind me

Of the pain

Of my decisions

Of shifting blame

***

Too many sins to name

Too many sins to name

I could be buried

Under the weight

Of my shame

Too many sins to name

***

Tattoos remind me

Of your grace

Of being purchased

Of being claimed

***

Beloved is my name

Beloved is my name

Your Son was buried

Under the weight

Of my shame

Beloved is my name

this song is fresh off the press. i wrote the lyrics this afternoon and the music tonight. there's a story behind it, but you have to leave a comment to hear it.

do you have a tattoo? if so, what is it, where is it, and what does it mean to you?

walking through

my computer has been giving me fits lately (surprise, surprise), so we'll see if this goes as planned...but i am going to drop two posts on you today. kapow. see if you can handle it.

i posted a new song. well, it's not really new. i wrote it three weeks ago for my final exam in theories and techniques of the helping relationship. i know...grad school is fun, right? ha. i wish my whole exam had been to just write a song. alas, that was not the case. anyway, for one of the questions, we were supposed to use our creative juices or energy or something to depict ourselves in the helping relationship...so we could draw a picture, write a poem, or whatever. i wrote a song. and then i played and sang it to my freshmen, because they are the ones who inspired it.

so go check it out.

the weight of sadness

so i wrote a song last week. a friend of mine is going through a pretty rough time of life right now, so i wrote this for her. but i know some others of you are also going through some rough times, so you can claim this song for yourself if you need it. you can find it over in the 'songs' section. it's called 'the weight of sadness (i'm here for you).'

i promise that i will eventually get some video or audio stuff up here so you can hear the songs. maybe once christmas break hits...i'll have some time to think and breathe then.

i'm still taking suggestions for the 30 by 30 list, so hit me with those. here's a teaser for you:

EAT CHICKEN. :) yeah, it's gonna happen. one more year.

take your poll and shove it

hey! take that temper down a notch. i was just trying to make a little joke.

didn't like it, huh? try this one* on for size:

how do you wake up lady gaga?

POKER FACE!

anyway...the poll indicated that i was supposed to write another chapter of my book this week. i am telling you right now that it's not happening. instead, i am giving you a little musical snack (geez...when was the last time i watched how to lose a guy?).

it was inspired by a comment made during the sermon yesterday.

there is music that goes with it, but i haven't mastered it to the point of posting it on the blog. someday.

the song is posted over in the 'songs' section (i know, crazy...), and it's called 'shadows of shame.'



*courtesy of sarah naylor

writing challenge number one

i finished the song. it does have a guitar part. in fact, the melody might be familiar to some of you. it's to the tune of 'the pirates who don't do anything.' at some point, you will get to hear it on this very blog. i'm not sure when. but at some point. until then, here are the lyrics. enjoy. (also, this is not actually fritz, but it looks a lot like him.)

fritz, the dog who doesn't do anything

(chorus)
fritz is a dog who doesn't do anything
he just stays home and lies around
and if you ask fritz to do anything
i'll just tell you--he won't do anything

(verse)
well, he's never done my homework
and he doesn't help with laundry
and he doesn't fix dinner or vacuum down the hall
and he's never washed the dishes
and he doesn't polish silver
and he's never been to boston in the fall

(chorus)

(verse)
and he won't toss a frisbee
and he doesn't write my papers
and he won't pack my lunch or come in when i call
and he doesn't get a paycheck
and he's never brought me pizza
and he's never been to boston in the fall

(chorus)

(verse)
well, he doesn't make my coffee
and he doesn't share the blankets
and he doesn't ask nicely when he wants to play ball
and he's never gotten groceries
and he doesn't knit me sweaters
and he's never been to boston in the fall