Wednesday, August 21, 2013

rant blog: not in the cards

i used to have a secret blog where i ranted about stuff.  not very many people had access to it.  probably for the best.

but there are times where rant blogs are necessary and helpful.  and, as i explained to mj last night, laughing at my pain can ease yours.

so laugh away.  i am [mostly] not full of rage anymore.


liz and i are on a budget.  (it turns out that moving is craptastically expensive, and this is why married people get wedding registries.  strike one against singles.)  so in our efforts to save a little cash where possible, when choosing our internet options, we made some decisions.  we bought our modem instead of renting it for $7/month, and we are doing self-installation instead of having someone come do it for us for $40.

so last monday, as i was trying to check out online, it said there would be a $20 shipping fee for the self-installation kit.  this seemed stupid and terrible and in direct contrast to what the helpful sales person had told me in an earlier conversation.  so i talked to another person, and they assured me if i went and picked it up at the location closest to our apartment, i would not have to pay this fee.  awesome.  however, it had to be me, and i had to show my id.  which complicated things a little, as

a) i don't work particularly close to that location
b) they close at 6
c) i get off work at 5

but no worries.  i would bolt out the door and make it there in the nick of time, and everything would be wonderful.  just to give myself peace of mind, i double checked to make sure it would be there that evening.

nope.  they don't keep self-installation kits on hand.  that would be silly.  it would take 3-5 business days to get there. 

as you may recall, i left for wisconsin on thursday after work.  so i conceded that i would not be picking up the kit last week.  not a huge deal.  we were both out of town, so who needed internet anyway?  not us.

so even though i had a long weekend with a lot of driving, i was all set to pick it up on monday.  i left work, hopped on 69-n...and sat still for about an hour.  police had blocked off all lanes going north because of a suspicious backpack.  which turned out to have water bottles in it.  and was reclaimed during the investigation.  sigh.  it was an inconvenience, but i ended up having dinner with my parents since i was rerouted that way anyway.

but yesterday was the day.  it was going to happen.  i sprinted out the door at 4:58 and got on 69-n in record time.  there were absolutely no delays and surprisingly little traffic all the way to anderson.  i couldn't believe it.  i figured it was some kind of justice for the annoyance of the day before.

i got off my exit, turned left, drove about fifteen seconds, and was greeted with a police barricade.  SERIOUSLY?  no idea what they were doing.  so i whipped out my phone and figured out my detour plan.  eta: 5:44.  ok, cutting it closer than i wanted, but i would still make it there in time. 

the detour, unfortunately, took about 300 cars through a stop sign.  which was a bit slow.  so i watched my eta change from 5:44 to 5:48.  5:52.  5:53.  5:58...

i got to the stop sign, turned right, drove, turned left on the road that had been blocked off (still couldn't see why), and booked it through anderson.  don't worry.  even in my panic and stress, i was driving reasonable and safe speeds.  i'm not a lunatic.

cruising along and making up a little bit of time, i think, 'even if i get there right at 6, and they have locked the door, i will bang on it and make them let me in.  i don't even have to pay for anything...just pick it up.'  this made me feel a bit better.

and then there was a train.  i am not making this up.

it was sitting perfectly still on the train tracks for no apparent reason.  i wanted to do violent things.

my eta kept creeping up.  6:02, 6:03.  but i refused to give in.  i had come this far.  it was going to happen.

the train finally moved.  i zipped down the road.  and then came to the heart of downtown anderson, which is full of stoplights and one way streets.  my eta was hovering around 6:02, and i died a little inside every time i had to stop at a light.

i turned on 10th street and searched high and low for this store.  nowhere to be found.  so i did the only thing you can do in this situation.  i kept turning down random one way street s to try and find it.  this resulted in driving several large squares and rectangles around downtown anderson.  but it worked, because on one of these ventures, i spotted a van with the name of the place i was looking for (notice how i have worked so hard at not disparaging the company itself because only some of this annoyance is actually their fault?). 

so i jetted down the street, only to see that it was an exit only.  no idea how i had missed the entrance, i let out a shriek of agony and tried to turn around.  that was a poor decision, but nothing bad happened.  i made a large rectangle around several blocks and realized the entrance was past the exit, which further enraged me.  but i found it and pulled in the parking lot.

i looked at the clock.  6:07.  willing my heart to slow to a normal pace, i walked to the door.  unsurprisingly, it was locked.  heartbroken, i looked inside.  an employee stared back out at me.  and looked away.  i stood around, looking pathetic, for several more minutes, but it was clear there was no way she was going to open the door.

so i drove home.

and we do not have internet.

but maybe someday...


  1. I have to say that as I was driving last night getting your text updates, I was feeling so sorry for my little sister. But now reading about it and visualizing all of this happening, I couldn't help but laugh several times.

    I think you should have shouted your entire story through the door at her. With lots of gestures and reenacting it all. Then maybe she would have had mercy and just handed it to you.

    Now I will go back to sympathizing again. : )

    1. and i appreciated your sympathy last night. laughing would not have been an appropriate response then.

      but yes, it has become nearly comical, so people might as well laugh about it now. :)

  2. I think you should have the store hang this blog post on their front door in case someone else has this happen to them...maybe reading this blog will keep that person's mom from worrying that they will kill someone :)

    fyi...our internet isn't working either as I am typing this from the Kelley's porch while they eat delicious smelling mexican food next to me lol

    1. i am not certain my personal testimony is the kind they want to share with their customers...