i have many thoughts on singleness, its joys and struggles, and what i have learned from it. but those posts are for another day. today, i want to share something that's been percolating around my little heart lately.
i want to be a mom. so very much. thought i should throw that out here at the beginning, but if you've ever had a conversation with me about what i want to do with my life, then you already know it. (i even say it in interviews.) that hope and desire permeate everything i am about to say, and i want you to know i feel it very strongly every day.
so it's a painful sort of delight that just about every other person i run into is pregs, just had a kid, or has like three already. (and if your name is mrs. bearclaw, then you fit all of those descriptions ...) recently, i have had some amazing conversations with moms of littles, moms of tweens, and moms of college students. all i can say is...
i know some damn fine women in this world.
they are women who prayed ceaselessly for their miracle babies.
they are women who love and serve their husbands and families.
they are women who are open and honest about their joys and struggles (and we need to hear both!).
they are women who model dependence on the Lord each and every day.
i am so thankful for these women. not just for who they are as mothers--because that is not what defines them--but for the women they are. their character. their courage. their friendship. and then for the joy and strength with which they take up the role of motherhood each day.
the older i get, the more i think being a parent must be one of the more challenging adventures in this world: to raise up a child and know they may not appreciate anything you do. to pour love and affection into someone who will make a multitude of wrong and hurtful choices as they grow. to model so many right things, yet get called out on the others. to try to protect something so fragile while not smothering it. it sounds exhausting. and terrifying. and completely humbling.
you impress the crap out of me.
also...you should know your kids aren't the only ones watching you. ignore the world's critical eye for a moment and hear this:
i have been watching you. and i am awed by you. i have been sharing some of these joys from a distance. i have been stunned by the capacity you have to run on three hours of sleep, balance having a high schooler and a kindergartner at the same time, and still truly serve others with a genuine smile. i have been noticing the subtle ways you model authentic love. i have been listening to your sorrows and praying for you. i have been so appreciative of how you allow yourself to be changed into women of greater character through your trials and victories.
i am so thankful for you.