my favorite...baseball team

for the majority of my life, i didn't care about baseball. see, indiana doesn't have a major league team (but much love to the indianapolis indians!), so everyone here either pays no attention at all or picks a random team. my family has yankees fans and a sad little cubs fan. and soon, a cardinals fan. gross. (the cardinals, not kelli. she is great.)

but then i moved to wisconsin. and i slowly got sucked into the hype. probably because i read the newspaper every day when i was a temp (remember those days when i read the paper, miranda? too bad you weren't around to enjoy them...). i read about those hapless brewers and their sad exploits. and when stephanie took me to a game, i decided i needed to pick a favorite player. i didn't want one of the more famous, super cool guys like prince or ryan or jj. i picked mike cameron.

oh, michael. what a hunk.

anyway, i got invested. and some players left, including my hunky centerfielder. but i found some other guys i liked, too, and i gave a bunch of them sweet nicknames:

my boy, yo g

beefcake...aka, the beef

the old man

big mac

the hebrew hammer (i'll admit i did not come up with the nickname, but i had to include him anyway...certain people would be angry for omitting ry ry.)

AND the brewers have the sausage race! now, we all know i hate mascots, but is there anybody greater than HOT DOG???

and don't get me started on tailgating. hello, summer. i can practically taste you!

so...long story short: i am ridiculously in love with the brewers.

it's opening day. and yo is pitching. holla!

not that you can change my mind, but who's your favorite team?

why i write: to release it all

it gets the crazy out.

it gets the giddy out.

it gets the sad out.

it gets the jubilation out.

if i write it, it doesn't hold me anymore.

faith and school: balance and rest

it was good for my heart to be reminded of this today:

'we are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing...and so, Lord, where do i put my hope? my only hope is in you.' psalm 39:6-7

there's a lot going on with just one month left in the semester. lots of work events, lots of school projects. and these things matter. i should be giving a quality effort for this stuff. but at the end of the day (and at the end of days), the important thing to remember is that my hope is in Christ. all my busy rushing ends in nothing.

reflecting on that...and making space for healthy, restful choices...these things help me maintain balance in my life in the midst of the crazy. say it with me:

it is good for me to get sleep. to go for runs. to fix delicious meals. to sit and play my guitar. to read and write.

so...how are you finding balance and rest in your life?

devotional thought: he is a comfort to the lonely

'only the lonely'

should this whole world fade away

with lovers lost

and friends no more

if every good was gone

with joy removed

and hope forgotten

you would still be true

you would always be

you would never leave

you would still want me

so still my lonely heart

and ease my wounded soul

remind me who you are

remind me who you are

holly willman

3/28/11

picture this: brett favre

this is brett favre.

he is growing like i feed him steroids.

i do not.

just protein shakes.

[long, awkward pause]

hmm...wrong crowd?

story of my life.

why i am a writer: i love words

here are some words i love saying:

indubitably

shazam

contextually

sheboygan

tricksy

wallop

catamaran

what are some words you love?

30 by 30 update: 16 months to go

just for kicks, i'm gonna walk you through the whole list. shaZAM.

1. get my master's degree: past the halfway point of my second semester. like any good semi, i'm truckin' along.

2. pay off my debt to dad: wrote a check to the old man yesterday. $400 more into his pocket. down to a cool $2000. woot. (it's hard to have a lot of joy about this one, knowing that as soon as i finish paying him back, i will owe the government $17000. ah, well.)

3. leave the country: i haven't personally left the country, but i have been faithfully watching amazing race. does that count?

4. become a warrior: i'm gonna go ahead and pretend that 5k i ran in oshkosh was the start of my training program. yup.

5. take a weekend trip by myself: no. any suggestions for where to go or what to do?

6. make my t shirt memories quilt: maybe aunt betty and i will work on this the first two weeks of may...

7. make another cd: i've been writing a bunch of songs, so i bet i have a good selection for another cd. kyle is working on jazzing up that piano part i wrote for the hymn. i'm gonna put the cd making in a pile of things to do this summer when i live with somebody who owns a mac. :)

8. get something published: uh, haven't so much been working on this one.

9. take a road trip with miranda: colorado? indiana? so many options.

10. host a theme party: oy. sort of regretting this one. it seems like a lot of work.

11. do a monthly cooking segment on my blog: on track. wrote about the last one here. hey, i've just been doing a lot of cooking anyway. cause food is great.

12. plan a project reunion: ummmm...

13. get a pet: i might go for this one in the fall. it's probably better if i don't get one before i leave for the summer.

14. get a different car: amazingly, bj novak is still moving. i'm just as surprised as you. and now he has an indiana license plate. weird.

15. eat chicken: thanksgiving 2011 is gonna be EPIC. and hopefully not life-threatening. whatevs. i live on the edge.

16. finish my book: nope. not yet.

17. sit in abe's lap: DONE! i totally get to cross one off at last! shorty red graciously took pictures of me looking like a total idiot as i tried to climb up. wasn't easy. definitely wore the wrong shoes. i'm just gonna put it out there...i think abe and i make a very handsome couple.

18. go rock climbing: abe is made out of rock, i think. so maybe that counts. but i think i'll go this summer in madison. or colorado. or both.

19. learn bass guitar: not yet. haven't saved enough dollar bills to buy my bass.

20. sing karaoke in public: i think heather dawn and i might do this in colorado. song ideas?

21. learn to drive stick shift: getting offers left and right...might happen soon since the snow is [theoretically] gone.

22. paint something: nope.

23. take a spa day: no, but my back thinks it sounds like a super great idea.

24. go skinny dipping: well, someone IS getting married at a lake in august...

25. go on a blind date: i'm beginning to think the promised blind date isn't going to happen. any of you want to set me up with a stranger? (i mean to me, not to you. don't pick a rando off the street. creep.)

26. create a self portrait: not even done a little except in my head.

27. get another tattoo: no new ink yet. you probably would have heard.

28. run a half marathon: i'm thinking the indy mini or hodson half next year.

29: read 100 books: i managed to finish one last month. haha. it was the first year out (it's about students their first year out of high school).

30: scrapbook the list: well, not so much. obv.

thursday plus friday equals miranda

today's my bestie's birthday. she is cool, and i like her.

in her honor, i got a shamrock shake for breakfast.

why i am a writer: cause it occasionally produces music!

so i've been working on that song. probably not record contract-worthy yet, but...

f&s: mid-semester check-up

so when i set my blog schedule last month, i apparently thought this would be a good time for a mid-semester check-up. that's all i wrote, though, so i don't know if i had something very specific in mind. but i guess i'll just give you a little update on life things.

a) school is going really well. of course, i say that just two days removed from spring break, so maybe i am deluding myself. quite possible. in fact, i have a lot of things due this week that i am really having trouble motivating myself to do. so when i say school is going really well, i should probably clarify.

i love being a student. even more than i loved it last semester. i am in the groove of it; i love learning; i love being on a campus and around students.

i have felt much less stressed out this semester. there are multiple factors that feed into that, but the next month and a half will likely heighten the stress level because a million things are due.

b) i have been sick basically all semester, but i feel pretty much ok now. still coughing, but everything else is working as well as it ever does, so not much to complain about here. the weather is taking a turn for the better this week (supposedly), so i expect to be running more. gotta get my booty in shape for frisbee this summer.

c) i am slowly building community here (and not trying to force myself to be so uncomfortable this semester), but i really miss madison and the people there...so i am spending the summer up north...playing frisbee...rockin the world. it's gonna be rad.

d) i have been better about the blog than i expected. i have not been as good about other writing every day. even so, i am definitely writing much more than i did last year; i have good focus and direction for my book; writing more consistently is helping me creatively. it would help me if you gave me some writing projects, so if you have ideas, let me know.

anything else you'd like an update on in my life?

devotional thought: a love that pursues into the dark

ever have a time where you extended yourself, bared part of your soul, and then wanted to barf everywhere?

...no?

oh...um...me, neither.

but not really. because i totally feel that way when i get vulnerable with people. exposing my messiness is freeing, but it also reminds me of some old wounds and shame. i don't think it ever

becomes easier, and my natural tendency is to go hide for a while just in case my vulnerability is too much for others.

i was sort of having one of those times last week. so i wrote this song. although it doesn't actually have music yet...but it will. i'm thinking it'll sound sort of hymny. (blogspot doesn't believe hymny is a word. whatev.) anyway...here it is:

You Reach for Me

Through my sorrow
And through my shame
You reach for me
Within my guilt
Within my pain
You reach for me

I can never go too far
Never turn and flee
To a place
Where your grace
Won’t reach for me

You reach for me
For I am yours
Though I bring the nails
And carry thorns
You reach for me
For true love does
And I am now
Not what I was

Though I’m helpless
And though I’m frail
You reach for me
When I falter
When I fail
You reach for me

brain vomit

i'm in vacation mode, so you aren't going to get a pre-planned blog post today. you're just going to get a random smattering of thoughts about my time in wisconsin thus far. feel free to stop reading now if that concerns you.

it's 9:45 in the morning here in wisco. and i am exhausted. so while these are fairly unstructured thoughts, you're getting them even more filter-free than usual.

*because i love wisconsin and its beautiful people, i planned a week full of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and coffee dates. literally at least 3 scheduled events with people every day. as i may have mentioned anywhere from one to a thousand times, i am an introvert and get tired out by people. so this might have been a disastrous plan...as evidenced by the exhaustion i am currently experiencing. when jennifer heard my schedule for the week, she looked at me like i was a crazy person. she might be right.

*it's a little strange how people keep telling me nothing has changed here...my world is completely different than it was 7 months ago.

*many people in madison do not understand how my faith--my love affair with Jesus--shapes my decisions and life choices. the concept of not drinking for a season of life because that is part of the culture of the community in which i am now invested is too foreign for them to wrap their brains around. part of that is because alcohol is such a big part of the culture here (and not always in negative ways). but i think it's more because their view of life is so different from mine. and always has been, honestly...it's just more apparent now because of where i am and what i am doing vocationally.

*i am thankful that there are people who know and love me. like...really know me. and really love me in spite of...and in the midst of...really knowing me.

devotional thought: home

in my 28.5 years of life on this planet, 25 of those have been spent in one part of indiana or another. it's where i grew up, where i went to school, and where i currently live. i can (and do) call it home.

but i spent a kind of random 3.5 years in madison, wisconsin. it took me a full year before i really liked the change. i'm not really sure how much longer it took before it felt like home. but it did eventually, and then it grabbed hold of my heart in a truly unexpected way.

i moved back to indiana for grad school, and leaving wisconsin felt much harder than i expected. i hadn't really missed indiana when i left it--there were moments when i missed the familiarity, and my family all lived there, but leaving the hoosier state was nothing like being away from wisconsin has been.

i miss wisconsin--especially madison--and all the people in it. every. single. day. it doesn't matter what i am doing; things relate to wisconsin. random people on the street remind me of my friends in wisconsin. it's super weird.

i was aware that i missed wisconsin, but i didn't know the extent until i started making plans to be here for spring break. driving up here felt magical and wonderful.

i was driving home.

***

it's a very good thing i am so madly in love with what i am doing (in life, in indiana) right now, or this could be an emotionally devastating time.

as it is, it just feels nice to be home.

***

where do you call home?

picture this: just one of those kids in wisconsin i happen to love...

i am making no promises about the frequency or quality of my posts over the next week. wisconsin and its residents can be quite distracting.

but anyway...this is jb and me before we went ice skating. but then we didn't actually go skating. we're tricky like that.

the monthly cooking segment: just what the tubby ordered

i don't have the time or energy to be deliberately funny about food tonight. it might happen incidentally, but i can't do much about that.

i fixed a meal for travis last night because he gave me half of his ethiopian coffee. which sounds like a weird statement. but it's true.

i grilled some tilapia. it was good.

i fried some potatoes. they were good. as usual.

i sauteed some asparagus. i had to keep travis away from it before the meal with death threats--that's how good it was.

i baked some zucchini bread. it was good. and the honors college benefited from the extra today. lucky.

and...voila:

why i write: because books kick me in the butt

sorry about the hiatus yesterday. it was kind of a long, strange day. turns out i was more attached to my wisconsin license plates than expected.

anyway...

there are a few books that have really pushed me to

a) write now,

b) write more, and

c) write better.

they are books that challenge and encourage me. they are books that make me feel completely inadequate as a writer but also [oddly] inspire me to believe that i have a voice.

if you ask very many writers or bloggers, they will probably include at least one of these books on their 'books that make me wanna write' list...because they're awesome. i don't claim to be unique in my love or appreciation of these books. i just want you to know about them.

so here you go:

letters to a young poet

(rainer maria rilke)

bird by bird

(anne lamott)

the war of art

(steven pressfield)

a million miles in a thousand years

(donald miller)

there are tons of books i could add to this list, but these four, in particular, have helped me take pivotal steps in my writing journey.

so tell me--what else should i be reading? what inspires you (or kicks you in the butt)?